Blessed

A few months ago, I was so ecstatic with the prospect of going overseas to study. Finally, one of my lifelong dreams since primary school was going to be fulfilled. But recent events have made that prospect dull. It is a pretty big burden financially.

Fast forward in time and I am so blessed to have the support of my family. They wholeheartedly put a lot on the line for me to be able to fulfill my dream of becoming a psychologist. And I am so lucky to find someone who unconditionally loves and cherishes me as a person. Present circumstances have opened my eyes to these, and reminded me to discard all the negativity and doubts I may have towards anyone currently in and out of my life. To leave the past where it belongs and relinquish any undesirable thoughts and emotions I might have. I used to think that I couldn't let go of negative thoughts because they were my punishment for the wrongs I have done to that person. As silly as it may sound, it did leave a trail in my life. But now I know better.

I'm so thankful for everyone currently in my life. The support I receive makes the unknown road ahead less daunting for me. How lucky am I to have wonderful people come my way, presenting themselves when I least expect it. Borrowing a quote from someone I thought touched me a lot, "I have not been blessed. I have been divinely favoured" :')

Holiday thoughts

One more week till I start work officially as an intern. And I'm sick. This 1.5months between the end of exams and start of internship flew by faster than I thought it would. I hope I'll be able to manage both internship and tutoring. As much as I want to just stop tutoring altogether, I still find it my responsibility to help my tutees until the end of the year.

Finally filled out my application form for honours. If all goes well, I'll be able to pursue my studies in Aussie. Leaving Singapore and everyone I love will be bitter sweet. So I have come to terms that in the event I do not qualify for honours, I'll still be happy here in Singapore.

Being sick and taking so many medications make me feel so drugged out. And for once my mind is more rested than ever. Controlling my impulses is so much easier too.

When I was younger I have always been a very transparent person. I don't hide who I am or what I think from others, so I was always easy to predict. Growing older made me realise that sometimes we need to hide what we think from others to save ourselves the agony of being judged. I don't really know how I feel about that, to be honest. On one hand I value transparency and genuineness in all relationships. But on the other there are just some things I wish I didn't know or hadn't divulged.

Haven't been particularly disciplined in achieving the goals I set for myself during this holidays. But I'm ok with it. Sometimes it just gets to tiring constantly striving to achieve something. Sometimes I just want a break to unwind before the storm hits again.

On the bright side, I have been able to catch up on some shows I've been meaning to. Once upon a time was one of my fav series to watch, simply because it entails fairy tales in a modern context, with crossovers between stories. The writers are so amazing, the way they weave intricate details and links between characters. Although I must say the show is kinda deteriorating.

Till next time.

Self-Actualization

Self actualization is the realization or fulfilment of one's talents and potentialities, especially considered as a drive or need present in everyone.

I have always felt that the biggest hindrance in my path towards self actualization is my fear of control and risk-taking. This is something that I've mentioned numerous times in previous posts, Today a close friend confided in me about a situation she was facing. She is someone who I've sort of grown up with, had our fair share of tiffs and seen emotionally vulnerable. We share similar features in that we are both over thinkers and tend to take things a bit too personally. 

So listening to her situation, I saw how she reacted in the same way I would have reacted if the same thing happened to me. But because I was an impartial third party, I managed to view how destructive my way of thinking was. Giving her advice really helped open my eyes to how I need to stop taking things personally and feeling entitled to things from other people. It only leads to detrimental feelings between people and self-inflicted emotional wounds. 

And to my friend who might happen to see this, this isn't a personal attack on your situation; just a reflection of what I learnt from it.