HTHTher p.1

It's December 2018.

I've been meaning to write something about this, but I never got around to it. I told you that I write a love story for every guy I've loved. Now that our chapter's closed, it's about time I force myself to write probably the most difficult love story I've ever written.

The thought are just flooding my head right now. When it all ended, I contemplated on the best way to pen my thoughts down. I couldn't. I don't even know if I'm writing it the way I planned on writing.

I remember the very first fight we had. We were straddling that awkward stage between certain people knowing we were dating but we weren't official yet so not everyone knows. You've been single for a while now, and I just got out of a relationship. It was difficult to choose the time we let people know, maybe because at that time we didn't even know if we knew.

Revo had a gathering at your place. It was hotpot, I remember. Sarah was just about to fly off to UK for the first time, so that must've been sometime in August or September 2014. I asked you if I was coming to the gathering. You said that it wasn't a good idea because revo wasn't having plus ones. And at that time, I wasn't your official plus one yet. Not gonna lie, I remember feeling really bummed out that you were having a gathering at your place with our friends and I wasn't invited, because those people knew we were kinda starting something then. But I shrugged it off, since it was a revo thing anyway. So I went out with Roz and Sarah and we went to eat songfa bakkuteh. During the outing, I received a text from Steph. She asked if I was going for the gathering, because she was. At that moment I felt hot rage, that you said no plus ones were going, and she was Edwin's (then) plus one. I remember being so upset and telling her I wasn't invited, and the girls asked you about it. You texted me and asked me to come, but I was out and you knew I was upset. I ignored your texts. It was quite apparent that I was upset during the outing. I felt like crying cause I felt like I wasn't important enough to be shown to our mutual friends whom already knew we were seeing each other. You apologised, and kept persuading me to come, saying you'll leave food for me and take care of me. I ignored the texts.

Trudging home, emotionally and physically exhausted, I saw your car parked at the handicapped area near my place. That was always the place you parked at when you drove me home and picked me up. I loved how you drove me around, especially after dance trainings, or when we would go out for supper. One of my fondest memory of you driving me around was when we went for the illuminate beach party together (that pic of us there was your phone screen wallpaper for some time), and you drove me there cause you were worried that it would be difficult to get a cab home. So you stayed sober and spent over $70 on drinks for Joanne and I and I got so fucking wild at that party. You took care of me then anyway and didn't want to take my money the next day. I digress. Your car was parked at our usual spot and I spotted you from a distance away. You'd ask everyone to leave your house early and came to my place to wait for me because you felt bad. Honestly, that was something I didn't expect because I wasn't your girlfriend then and you cared so much about my feelings that you ended a party at your place early to rush down to make sure I was ok. We talked it out that night, and we were indeed, more than ok.

TBC

2017.

Wow it's been 8 months since my previous post.

2017 flew by in the blink of an eye.
I decided to take a look at what I posted before today and couldn't even remember the content of my previous posts. The post below this made me recall how upset I was when I first got to Wollongong. Leaving my cushy life in Singapore, becoming a minority in a foreign country and leaving my close friends is possibly the biggest step out of my comfort zone to date.

Upon reflection, 2017 has been a pretty terrific year.

I took great ownership of my thesis, and got a HD!
I wrote most of it on medication, and I was super ill at the time of submission so thank God that I pulled through with that grade.
I missed first class honours by 2 marks. That was a major bummer, but I realised that people could still get into postgrad with 2UC, so that's not too bad.
The lack of a scholarship sucks though.

I tried so many new things this year.
Went on so many road trips.
Syd/Blue Mountains/Wgong with Weiting and Bry
Melb/Syd with Jo and Bao
Syd/Tas/Wgong with HT
Canberra with Singapeople on voting day (which turned out to be a walkover, but still, cause for a celebration)
Around Wgong/NSW with Bry's parents + BYSH
Drove down to Melb with BYSH and found the joy of minigolf + laser tag (GUESS WHO WON BOTH GAMES) and archery and a lot a lot more mini golf

You know shit's about to get down when the bet for a hole-in-one is a hungry jack's hashbrown (and sher somehow won 4 hashbrowns when she lost the game)
Cheered like crazy and had so so much fun with mini golf, people would think we won a gold medal at the olympics (wait, do they even have golf in the olympics? idts actually)

Loved friends that came into my life
Some friends that I loved made me realise that not everyone is as trustworthy as I give them credit for, and sometimes we gotta let them out of our lives
I learnt what a great country Singapore is, and how I am so fortunate to have such a good life
I learnt to TRULY appreciate the great friends I have, and how some relationships I will treasure till my last breath
I learnt how to write academically, to be organised and to be my own boss

To accept challenges out of my comfort zone
Although it didnt come to fruition, I accepted a temp role as a dance instructor for a dance group in UOW
First time choreographing and prepping to teach. Shame it didn't end up happening since classes were cancelled
Listened to 你好不好 A LOT

Point is, I learnt a lot from this year
I formed my own thesis topic
I did the recruitment all on my own
I wrote a fucking 12k+ thesis and got a HD wtf still can't believe it
I went to raves
Met people I never thought I would meet
Moved out and became the last Singaporean to remain in aussie for now
Partied in Sydney and Melb (OMG ALUMBRA WAS SOOO GOOD)
Leant to roll
Presented my thesis poster in front of academics
Got an RA job (the first post-honours Singaporean to get a job here altho I'm hardly getting paid enough to fund my expenses so fucking stupid)
Depleting my savings in sg
Hung out with people (a lot)
Hosted a party (kinda)
Never embraced my singaporean/Chinese roots so much
Gained so much weight cb but I still feel beautiful so ok la but can lose some weight if I try

I'm not doing living overseas.
Honours has ended but I have so much of my life ahead of me
Can't wait to see what the future has in store for me