Update

Read through some of my older blog posts and realised there were so many grammatical errors. I usually blog when I'm filled with emotions or full of inspiration and my typing speed just can't keep up with my train of thought. So it's to no shock that I would make some errors and simply be too emotionally liberated/exhausted at the end of the post to reread everything and edit them. But it doesn't matter anyway, I don't think there are much people keeping up with this blog.

This is one of the times where I feel no emotions welling up deep inside me to want to blog. It's just a normal update, kinda like what a blog was created for, back in secondary school. My tuition jobs have been going well, but kinda been spending a lot in Jan 2016 already omg. School bidding went a lot smoother than expected, I managed to get my first choices and my schedule is very well spread out. I should have time for friends/studies/work. On another side of school, I feel 0% motivation to go back for dance. Ever since Duality, I have such a bad impression of being in the club that I feel no longing to go for trainings. Which is really sad because I improved so much since day 1 and I would never give anything up to go for trainings when I first entered. And I can feel myself improving gradually and being more confident but sadly, I don't feel like I belong in DWZ. I have plenty of friends there and can catch up during training but there's just something missing, and I have no idea what that is.

I thought about just quitting DWZ but a part of me wants to get back the passion for dance. To be really good at something, you know. I haven't really found my calling in life and I feel that bits and pieces of what I love will somehow mould me so I get a better look at who I am.

This year made me feel more like an adult. Like the butterfly which just emerged from its cocoon, the world might seem a little strange from a new perspective. But it's a new adventure. Just hope I'm up for the ride.

Bed thoughts.

So I took my driving test for the first time today and failed. And by quite a lot. I would say that 90% of it was due to my mentality when I struck the kerb during the start of my test. I was so nervous that i tossed everything I learnt out the (car) window and did much worse than I had practiced for during lessons. 

I prayed so hard to pass it, and actually many things were in my favor. I got the best timing, having the test during the time I usually take my lessons. It wasn't raining and there weren't many cars on the road. Being a perfectionist who can't handle rejections well, it is no surprise today that I didn't take the failure well when I first heard it. Took all the courage I had in my body to not tear in front of the tester. 

But I learnt something from this, which is why I felt the urge to blog about it. I wished that 2016 would be a year of success for me. And it will be. But it is naive to wish that everything I come across will go in my way, because life doesn't work that way. I would say that I've been so sheltered and fortunate for a major part of my life that I can confidently say life always went my way. It wasn't until I was 18 that I realised it didn't. But it was a good wake up call and an enriching experience. During this period of "awakening" I felt myself grow and blossom and learn like I've never done in my life. This thing is but a minor setback, a little thorn amongst the rose bushes of life that I am still living. 

So I change what I want of 2016. Do not let it be a year just of success. Let it be the most enriching year, full of obstacles that I can conquer, full of learning experiences shall I not, and most importantly, full of optimism. 

2016

I compiled a blog draft of my reflections in 2015, but there were just too many things to reflect on this year so I decided to start another one.

2015 whizzed by in the blink of an eye and here we are, in another leap year. I love leap years, something about having an extra day in the year just makes it something special. Like how every once in 4 years we have another 24 hours in the shortest month of the year, how the date 29 February holds some astronomical significance that it almost, romantic.

I digress. 2015 was mostly full of ups, fortunately. But time passed by so fast I hardly knew what hit me before it was over.

I was nominated by my lecturer to partake in an international convention, Spotlight Singapore Mexico City 2015. I was one of the 8 student delegates chosen to go, and the only one from Psychology. Learnt a lot, more importantly how I was able to be culturally intelligent. I was the one who got along best with the foreigners. I trained my public speaking skills, and was flexible in my first networking session, especially with people who weren't in my field of interest. Plus it was awesome flying to the other side of the world. I didn't fancy the food much, but I love the architecture, the atmosphere and the people.

Completed 5/6 of my uni life. Thank God for blessing me throughout my uni life and constantly giving me encouragement/solace and opportunities to make my uni life fulfilling,

Got my first office job. I worked for Stamford Education and did a lot more learning than expected. Even though I wasn't doing the type of research I would have liked to contribute, I learnt content writing, marketing, brand auditing, events planning, hosting, social media management and many more. Grateful to have gained so much valuable experience.

My first anniversary with a boyfriend. Although it didn't go the way I thought it would have, it was amazing nonetheless. I learnt so much from this relationship and I'm constantly growing and improving myself as a girlfriend and human being. So thankful to have ht in my life. 2016 will be an even better year for us <3

Danced my second production. I didnt really enjoy the experience. I would rate it a 2/10 actually. Felt shitty as a dancer most of the time and didn't really feel like I improved as a dancer from this production. Still very grateful to have so many people supporting me and cheering me on

My 21st birthday party. I didn't want to have one initially but I'm so glad I did in the end. This was the moment in my life that I actually felt so damn lucky. Seeing how my relatives postponed their flights to come to my party, how my aunts went around collecting my cake, ensuring everything was perfect for me. My closest friends who knew how much of a perfectionist I was and coming early to do my set up. Sukaa came to decorate my scrapbook cover. Rosa helped me throughout the planning process, Nicky and Jiaxin helped immensely with the booking, vetting, planning and logistics. Ak and Jas came all the way to Jurong freaking East and sat with me for hours doing my scrapbook. My sis helped me with ordering of things online and advising me on decor/cake. Hengthye helped so much on scene, ensuring everyone is ok and that the flow was not interrupted. Wanping came all the way from the airport the moment she touched down, just to surprise me. CAG and RYB were the most efficient team, making sure everyone wrote in the scrapbook. The amount of messages asking if I needed more help was so touching, that people truly care so much about me. My family, with their unconditional support, they made sure everyone had enough food and that I had the party I dreamt of. I didn't have a proper theme, but I had everyone and everything I love as a theme and that made that night so magical. When I was exhausted and tired my girls pulled me away and made sure I sat and had enough food and drink. They were my make up team, my dress up team, decor team, photography team and everything more. I love everyone in my life and am truly so touched by the people I have. I don't know what I ever did to deserve such beautiful people :')

Travelled with my ahma and my sis. We went to Japan and although we went on tour, it was the first time I was in charge of the trip. I thought it would be difficult at first, handling my ahma and my sis but it was a lot better than expected. I felt accomplished at the end of the trip. Oh, and I saw snow for the first time! :D

Tuition. I decided to go 'full time' tutoring and increased my rate a lot. When I first started as a tutor, I had a lot of doubts about my abilities and whether I would be a good tutor. Thus, when some students dropped me I took it very personally and was pretty upset and even afraid to offend any of my clients so that they would keep me. But now that I'm so much better I took a brave step and made my value much higher. To my surprise (and delight) almost all of them were ok with it and that made me feel so much better about myself and my capacity. I'm getting paid well now and I'm hoping I only get better.

Adult ready. I stopped taking allowance from my family. It's pretty common for most of my friends to still be getting allowance but in SIM a lot of my friends are v self sufficient, some even paying their own bills/sch fees like wtf are you human?!?! But they are, and it proves that I can be self sufficient too. It look courage and a lot of willpower to tell my mum not to give me allowance but it is liberating and I regret nothing. Even though she's still paying for my last semester in uni and my bills, it's baby steps to becoming a full-fledge adult. Nevertheless, I'm still proud of myself :)

Got a belly piercing, hehe. Something that I found so sexy for a very long time and after much pain, I GOT IT WAHOO.

All in all, it was a good year. Gonna keep improving myself, hopefully I can be a better dancer, student, writer, tutor, girlfriend.