It's been almost 3 months since I've been in oz.
I'm so thankful that I get along with the people I travelled here with.
I'm thankful for doing well in my first assignment, the most nerve-wrecking one I get submitted.
I'm pretty ahead with my thesis, and it's going great. I feel like a true researcher, gathering my data and testing participants.
I struggled a little with coming to terms with my new life, forming new social circles and balancing my academic and personal time.
Monday, May 1, 2017
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
#heatherinOZ
So it's been 2 weeks since I've been in Wollongong.
I must say that I've probably learnt more about myself in these 2 weeks than I did the whole of last year.
I learnt that I can miss people, miss home, and be strong enough to want to stay here rather than escape home.
I learnt that I can actually be independent, living on my own.
I learnt that I can fend for myself, to make my own adult decisions.
I learnt that I can manage my time well, balancing settling into a new place, forming new social circles, and achieving my learning goals.
I learnt what it's like to walk in the shoes of someone belonging to a minority race. Being a chinese living in Singapore, I never had faced discrimination of any sort. In Australia, on my first couple of days here, we already experienced, albeit to a minor extent, what it feels like to be on the outside looking in.
I learnt the joys of cooking. I experienced the satisfaction of preparing your own meals. I have never washed so many dishes in my life before, and wow it feels pretty darn good to feel like a fully functioning adults.
I learnt that I am so much stronger mentally and emotionally than I ever thought I would be. I got this. And I regret nothing. I'll make it through the year.
I learnt that there are so many smart and brilliant people in Honours year, and I'm so psyched to learn from them.
I learnt that Honours isn't a competition.
I learnt that no matter how much you think you know, there's always something to be learnt from everyone.
I learnt that insecurities that plagued me a year or two ago, has been unconsciously overcome and now no longer bother me.
I learnt that as much as you grow past old insecurities, new ones will always surface. But that's okay, because like the ones I overgrew, I will evolve past these new ones in time to come.
I learnt that it's perfectly okay to be afraid of what the future entails. If you ask the 18 year old me if I would ever be pursuing my studies overseas, I wouldn't have said yes. And I'm such an avid planner, I planned my education and career path since I was 16. It didn't exactly go the way I wanted it to, but I loved every experience I had so far. And I learnt so much from people I never thought I would have the chance to meet.
I learnt that it's okay to step out of my comfort zone. I've always been on the safe side, doing what I normally do. But doing something totally new on my own, such as going for a new genre of dance by myself in a city where I hardly know anyone, might make me a little uncomfortable initially. But I will always grow and adapt, and these new experiences will uniquely change the way I see the world.
I learnt that it is fine to say no to yourself. To not set expectations based on people's experiences or experiences I view from movies or shows. To be flexible, adaptable, and make my own experience unique.
I learnt that I survive. There are times when I thought I wouldn't get past an issue, or a daunting experience, but I always do.
And I learn that I make my own year, and I'm going to have a great one.
I must say that I've probably learnt more about myself in these 2 weeks than I did the whole of last year.
I learnt that I can miss people, miss home, and be strong enough to want to stay here rather than escape home.
I learnt that I can actually be independent, living on my own.
I learnt that I can fend for myself, to make my own adult decisions.
I learnt that I can manage my time well, balancing settling into a new place, forming new social circles, and achieving my learning goals.
I learnt what it's like to walk in the shoes of someone belonging to a minority race. Being a chinese living in Singapore, I never had faced discrimination of any sort. In Australia, on my first couple of days here, we already experienced, albeit to a minor extent, what it feels like to be on the outside looking in.
I learnt the joys of cooking. I experienced the satisfaction of preparing your own meals. I have never washed so many dishes in my life before, and wow it feels pretty darn good to feel like a fully functioning adults.
I learnt that I am so much stronger mentally and emotionally than I ever thought I would be. I got this. And I regret nothing. I'll make it through the year.
I learnt that there are so many smart and brilliant people in Honours year, and I'm so psyched to learn from them.
I learnt that Honours isn't a competition.
I learnt that no matter how much you think you know, there's always something to be learnt from everyone.
I learnt that insecurities that plagued me a year or two ago, has been unconsciously overcome and now no longer bother me.
I learnt that as much as you grow past old insecurities, new ones will always surface. But that's okay, because like the ones I overgrew, I will evolve past these new ones in time to come.
I learnt that it's perfectly okay to be afraid of what the future entails. If you ask the 18 year old me if I would ever be pursuing my studies overseas, I wouldn't have said yes. And I'm such an avid planner, I planned my education and career path since I was 16. It didn't exactly go the way I wanted it to, but I loved every experience I had so far. And I learnt so much from people I never thought I would have the chance to meet.
I learnt that it's okay to step out of my comfort zone. I've always been on the safe side, doing what I normally do. But doing something totally new on my own, such as going for a new genre of dance by myself in a city where I hardly know anyone, might make me a little uncomfortable initially. But I will always grow and adapt, and these new experiences will uniquely change the way I see the world.
I learnt that it is fine to say no to yourself. To not set expectations based on people's experiences or experiences I view from movies or shows. To be flexible, adaptable, and make my own experience unique.
I learnt that I survive. There are times when I thought I wouldn't get past an issue, or a daunting experience, but I always do.
And I learn that I make my own year, and I'm going to have a great one.
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Goodbye 2016
2016 passed by in the blink of an eye.
I felt like I made so many major decisions this year. It was the year I truly felt like a grown up. I'll be leaving for Aussie in 1.5 months to study for about 9.5 months. I can't believe this is happening. It has always been my dream to study overseas and now I finally get to achieve it, while studying something I truly care about :') I'm so grateful for this opportunity and everyone who supports me through it.
I recently just planned a vacation to Bali. It was the first trip I planned myself and it was pretty exciting being in control. I'm feeling a little anxious leaving sg to be by myself overseas. even though i know people going, it's still pretty nerve wrecking, being in an unfamiliar environment on my own.
I felt like I made so many major decisions this year. It was the year I truly felt like a grown up. I'll be leaving for Aussie in 1.5 months to study for about 9.5 months. I can't believe this is happening. It has always been my dream to study overseas and now I finally get to achieve it, while studying something I truly care about :') I'm so grateful for this opportunity and everyone who supports me through it.
I recently just planned a vacation to Bali. It was the first trip I planned myself and it was pretty exciting being in control. I'm feeling a little anxious leaving sg to be by myself overseas. even though i know people going, it's still pretty nerve wrecking, being in an unfamiliar environment on my own.
Monday, November 21, 2016
Growth
Within the blink of an eye, there's only 1.5 more months till 2017. 2016 has flew past immensely fast. Since my graduation from university in May, things have been super hectic.
I finished my 5+ month internship with E_ School. It's a special needs school for children with autism between the ages of 7-18. It was probably the most memorable job I ever had. I've always loved teaching, and always loved children. Initially, it was a bit of a culture shock seeing everything I know about mainstream school transform before my eyes. Teachers had their recesses with their students, they sat in their classes and had to ask for permission for everything to teach them social skills. They learnt social interactions in class, followed a customised schedule that catered to their individual needs and were disciplined/taught by their teachers according to their interests. The teachers put such deep thought and effort into educating their students, and that really inspired me. The children are also the most loving, sweet and sensitive children I have ever encountered. A big part of dealing with moderate to severe autistic children is that they seldomly have the capacity to lie. This makes them take everything almost literally, one of the most endearing characteristics I love about them. They speak without filter, and their love for you is genuine. Seeing some of the children upset when I told them I was leaving deeply moved me. I know for sure that they will truly miss me, the way I will miss them dearly. I have learnt so much from my time here. I learnt to be flexible, disciplined, observant and adaptable. I learnt how to specially connected with each unique individual, to help them in the ways I can and to see their growth. I teared during the AGC, seeing the students graduate and the others move up a level. It's only been 3 days since I stopped work but I already miss them terribly. I might go back there to work after my honours.
I myself am a rather rigid person. I don't deal well with major changes and hate hate haaaaate a lack of structure. Ever since graduating, structure has hardly been present in my life. The sky's the limit and the world is your oyster. Anything is possible now, but I start to question what I really want. I have always been a planner, an avid one at that. I planned to go for honours in uow, to come back to singapore and do masters in clinical psychology at either jcu or nus. To work in a psychology clinic, get married, have children and start lecturing part time in sim. After what I have experienced in E_, I struggle to find what I wanted to be what I really want. It's gonna take me a while to figure it out. But I have always had.
I finished my 5+ month internship with E_ School. It's a special needs school for children with autism between the ages of 7-18. It was probably the most memorable job I ever had. I've always loved teaching, and always loved children. Initially, it was a bit of a culture shock seeing everything I know about mainstream school transform before my eyes. Teachers had their recesses with their students, they sat in their classes and had to ask for permission for everything to teach them social skills. They learnt social interactions in class, followed a customised schedule that catered to their individual needs and were disciplined/taught by their teachers according to their interests. The teachers put such deep thought and effort into educating their students, and that really inspired me. The children are also the most loving, sweet and sensitive children I have ever encountered. A big part of dealing with moderate to severe autistic children is that they seldomly have the capacity to lie. This makes them take everything almost literally, one of the most endearing characteristics I love about them. They speak without filter, and their love for you is genuine. Seeing some of the children upset when I told them I was leaving deeply moved me. I know for sure that they will truly miss me, the way I will miss them dearly. I have learnt so much from my time here. I learnt to be flexible, disciplined, observant and adaptable. I learnt how to specially connected with each unique individual, to help them in the ways I can and to see their growth. I teared during the AGC, seeing the students graduate and the others move up a level. It's only been 3 days since I stopped work but I already miss them terribly. I might go back there to work after my honours.
I myself am a rather rigid person. I don't deal well with major changes and hate hate haaaaate a lack of structure. Ever since graduating, structure has hardly been present in my life. The sky's the limit and the world is your oyster. Anything is possible now, but I start to question what I really want. I have always been a planner, an avid one at that. I planned to go for honours in uow, to come back to singapore and do masters in clinical psychology at either jcu or nus. To work in a psychology clinic, get married, have children and start lecturing part time in sim. After what I have experienced in E_, I struggle to find what I wanted to be what I really want. It's gonna take me a while to figure it out. But I have always had.
Saturday, October 8, 2016
October Reflections
Today is one of the rare days I have nothing on. It's been a very long time (apart from the 2 days I was on MC because I was sick) that I can just relax at home with no agenda. Watched HTGAWM and the new episodes of Criminal Minds' 12th season. I had been a huge fan of CM for about 2 years and have always felt a personal connection to the characters of the shows I watch. Aaron Hotchner, the lead character of the profiling team has been fired due to an altercation with one of the crew members and he has been written off. It was really sad because when other characters leave the show, they dedicate an emotional episode to that person to help the viewers and the team gain closure. I always cry at those episodes because I feel like a dear friend of mine that I've known for a long time is leaving my life. But with Hotchner, they wrote him off without even acknowledging his departure. I guess it must be pretty crappy for the actor himself, being such a icon of CM.
I guess the difference between Hotchner's departure and the rest was that the former was fired while the rest left on their own accord to pursue other things. It gave me a revelation that everything you do at work, no matter how trivial you regard it to be, really can have a huge impact on how others view you as a person. I mean, that's something that is pretty common knowledge, but we don't really see the greater repercussions of it until we experience it for ourselves. When I work I have a rather lassez-faire attitude towards it, especially when I'm working at an intern level. Since interns hardly get any work benefits, good pay or recognition, I've never been one to really give it my all. My current internship though, I do give my all. Maybe I've matured, maybe I've found the job to be something that suits my calling, I can't seem to quite put my finger on it. A recent talk with my bf about work attitudes really inspired me to give it my all in everything I do, no matter how insignificant it might be with regards to helping me in my career. I have to be more mindful in keeping this in the back of my mind, especially because one of my biggest fears is to not hold down a job like my father hasn't been able to do. I really worry if I'll be as terrible a worker as I have been led to think that he is.
Some people say we are a reflection of our parents. I do agree to this to some extent, I just hope that I'll be able to gain their strengths and overcome their weaknesses. I get the trait of being easily affected by my external surroundings and brooding over the past from my mother. While it has helped me be more understanding and empathetic towards people, a skill necessary in my industry, I do hope that I can learn to let go of things and become more emotionally independent. The past 3.5 years have been such huge learning curves for me. I don't know if it's because I'm experiencing a lot more, meeting new people or just part of my development period. There are so many thoughts clouding my mind everyday that it's difficult to truly pinpoint what's happening to my emotional and mental development despite the constant self reflection. But it's an incredible learning journey and I can feel myself getting better everyday. Although certain parts of the day make me feel down or insecure, I take comfort in knowing that I can only get better.
One of the most comforting and empowering mantras I've been thought during the period of my life I thought all hope was lost, "Everyday in every way, I'm getting better and better."
To anyone feeling somewhat lost in their journey, and to anyone who wishes to improve yourself, chant this mantra to yourself 10 times before you sleep. It might appear silly, but boy does it sure work. Just have faith.
I guess the difference between Hotchner's departure and the rest was that the former was fired while the rest left on their own accord to pursue other things. It gave me a revelation that everything you do at work, no matter how trivial you regard it to be, really can have a huge impact on how others view you as a person. I mean, that's something that is pretty common knowledge, but we don't really see the greater repercussions of it until we experience it for ourselves. When I work I have a rather lassez-faire attitude towards it, especially when I'm working at an intern level. Since interns hardly get any work benefits, good pay or recognition, I've never been one to really give it my all. My current internship though, I do give my all. Maybe I've matured, maybe I've found the job to be something that suits my calling, I can't seem to quite put my finger on it. A recent talk with my bf about work attitudes really inspired me to give it my all in everything I do, no matter how insignificant it might be with regards to helping me in my career. I have to be more mindful in keeping this in the back of my mind, especially because one of my biggest fears is to not hold down a job like my father hasn't been able to do. I really worry if I'll be as terrible a worker as I have been led to think that he is.
Some people say we are a reflection of our parents. I do agree to this to some extent, I just hope that I'll be able to gain their strengths and overcome their weaknesses. I get the trait of being easily affected by my external surroundings and brooding over the past from my mother. While it has helped me be more understanding and empathetic towards people, a skill necessary in my industry, I do hope that I can learn to let go of things and become more emotionally independent. The past 3.5 years have been such huge learning curves for me. I don't know if it's because I'm experiencing a lot more, meeting new people or just part of my development period. There are so many thoughts clouding my mind everyday that it's difficult to truly pinpoint what's happening to my emotional and mental development despite the constant self reflection. But it's an incredible learning journey and I can feel myself getting better everyday. Although certain parts of the day make me feel down or insecure, I take comfort in knowing that I can only get better.
One of the most comforting and empowering mantras I've been thought during the period of my life I thought all hope was lost, "Everyday in every way, I'm getting better and better."
To anyone feeling somewhat lost in their journey, and to anyone who wishes to improve yourself, chant this mantra to yourself 10 times before you sleep. It might appear silly, but boy does it sure work. Just have faith.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Catch-up
Last time I blogged was almost 3 months ago. Time has been moving so fast now with me working 2 jobs and trying desperately to get my shit together. I once came across a triad of life, which allowed people to choose between 2 of the 3 benefits. You either have rest and social life, but no work; or work and rest but no social life, or the last one - what I'm currently going through - work and social life but no rest.
I can kinda feel my health deteriorating due to my hectic schedule. Work takes up so much time but I really love what I'm doing. Working with special needs children has always been my interest, and paired with teaching which is what I loved since I started tutoring. The prospect of working at my current workplace full time is very tempting, It has almost everything I look for in a career - great colleagues, working with children, teaching, and special needs. Every class I take leaves a sense of fulfillment in me and I enjoy the students, no matter how tiring or trying it can be working with special needs kids. But I have a greater goal I want to meet. I want to further my studies and become both a clinical psychologist to help more people and an academia. Rethinking my whole career prospect now.
I can kinda feel my health deteriorating due to my hectic schedule. Work takes up so much time but I really love what I'm doing. Working with special needs children has always been my interest, and paired with teaching which is what I loved since I started tutoring. The prospect of working at my current workplace full time is very tempting, It has almost everything I look for in a career - great colleagues, working with children, teaching, and special needs. Every class I take leaves a sense of fulfillment in me and I enjoy the students, no matter how tiring or trying it can be working with special needs kids. But I have a greater goal I want to meet. I want to further my studies and become both a clinical psychologist to help more people and an academia. Rethinking my whole career prospect now.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Blessed
A few months ago, I was so ecstatic with the prospect of going overseas to study. Finally, one of my lifelong dreams since primary school was going to be fulfilled. But recent events have made that prospect dull. It is a pretty big burden financially.
Fast forward in time and I am so blessed to have the support of my family. They wholeheartedly put a lot on the line for me to be able to fulfill my dream of becoming a psychologist. And I am so lucky to find someone who unconditionally loves and cherishes me as a person. Present circumstances have opened my eyes to these, and reminded me to discard all the negativity and doubts I may have towards anyone currently in and out of my life. To leave the past where it belongs and relinquish any undesirable thoughts and emotions I might have. I used to think that I couldn't let go of negative thoughts because they were my punishment for the wrongs I have done to that person. As silly as it may sound, it did leave a trail in my life. But now I know better.
I'm so thankful for everyone currently in my life. The support I receive makes the unknown road ahead less daunting for me. How lucky am I to have wonderful people come my way, presenting themselves when I least expect it. Borrowing a quote from someone I thought touched me a lot, "I have not been blessed. I have been divinely favoured" :')
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