Self-updating

It's the second week of school and it has been thoroughly exhausting waking up for morning lessons everyday :O zzz (my face when my alarm sounds and wakes me up from my lalaland)

I like being busy though. I like having a routine and being organised. It distracts me from the now, and when things get stagnant my imagination runs wild and I find myself drowning in a pool of insecurity and self-deprecation. Still can't come to terms with the fact that I'm now a year 3 psychology student. The past 2 years of learning has been fun, but I admit that I've been able to kinda slack off in class and still score well. Now year 3 is the make or break year. I attended the honors talk by one of the Australian professors and it's so competitive :O The amount of people getting accepted is only 50-60, with 8 of them being from Singapore this year. At this moment I really want to attend honors because it's gonna be an adventure and one of the things I yearn to do most since I was little, to study overseas. Everyone that went on exchanges had pleasant things to say about them, and I would want an opportunity to stand on my own feet in a foreign country and indulge in these learning experiences that seem to apply to every country. To meet new people, to taste new food and probably get into trouble.

But another part of me is pretty reluctant to go. Much of it stems from the fact that I'm in a stable relationship and I'm so afraid of what one year apart can do to us. Just the thought of leaving him for 9 days to Mexico City made me so sad. I cannot fathom how I can survive one year away. Maybe these insecurities will fade away with time.

Dance-wise. Production is coming and it's pretty fucked up. I shan't say much but it is. It basically should be the subjects of a learned helplessness experiment because it so much embodies every aspect of the psychology theory.

I'm going to volunteer at IMH this Saturday. My friend recommended me to the supervisor and I'm both nervous and excited about it. Hopefully helping other people will help me find some meaning in my life. God that sounded so hopelessly depressing. What I meant was that maybe it can provide some direction in what I'm meant to do to help people in the future.